I'm a homebody, always have been and likely always will be. Since I was young, the outside world always felt a bit "too much" for me. Too loud, too chaotic, too unpredictable. Maybe it's my introversion showing, or my preference to listen and observe over being seen, but being at home has always felt like my safe place.
As I've grown, and experienced more than one little dot on the map, I realize what a privilege it has been to have that sense of security associated with home. Of course, so much credit goes to my parents and extended family members for creating such a warm and loving environment in my most formative years. So many children are not as lucky.
Now in my mid-thirties, I find myself striving to feel at home as often as possible. Of course, while I am physically at home, I yearn for a sense of calm and peace. With three young children this oftentimes feels impossible. But as they're growing up, I'm working hard to declutter and simplify every day life for all of us in our home.
Beyond the physical space of our home, I just want to feel at home in life. I've been fortunate to always have a strong sense of self, for the majority of my life feeling at home in my body from a physical standpoint. Or so I thought. As I start to peel back the layers, my eyes are opened to all the inner workings of my body I've never fully listened to. I want to be at home in this vessel. I'm using the discovery tactic which has served me so well in the outside world; be quiet and listen. My body will tell me what it needs if I'm ready to listen.
And then there's the desire to be at home in my soul. I've always been a very emotional person. For much of my life, I found myself in circumstances where too much emotion was frowned upon, seen as a sign of weakness. So, I stuffed the emotions down and pretended they weren't there. Newsflash, they were still there. Not only were they there, turns out they are my superpower. I can FEEL what you feel, somewhere deep in my spirit.
I started my business, Dogwood Lake Homes, after a deep and dark stretch of time where I couldn't find my way home. I've learned so much in the time since, during this period of unraveling. I'm working hard to unlearn my perfectionist, people-pleasing tendencies. Easier said than done. But mostly, I just keep returning to the desire to be at home.
I want to be at home in my physical house, where I can always find the rest I deserve. I want to create safe homes for other families, maybe some who have never experienced such a place. I want to be at home in my body, in tune with the internal ebb and flow of a living organism. I want to be at home in my soul, acknowledging the emotions I've ignored for too long.
I'm unsure where this blog may take me, but I'll follow it as along as I feel at home.
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